May 26, 2008

Teardrops on My Guitar

I cried today. Yes, I broke down. I couldn't hold it any longer.
It's too much. My concentration was wild, and I couldn't think straight.
I want to be there for him so badly. I miss him terribly, desperate to see his pale face and thinning hair, his slightly plump body, his loud and hoarse voice, him feeding and forcing me down with food.
I might be slightly, or overly enveloped with emotions right now, but.. I can't help it.

And thanks Dionne, Leonard and Akil for surprising me with the cupcakes just to cheer me up.

I really deeply appreciated it. Thanks to the cupcakes, now I have to work twice the effort in the gym. But, this calories are worth burning :)

Oh, my results were terrible.
Although, I studied hard.
Yeah, you will say "You didn't study hard enough yada yada yada..."
All I know is, I am not and will never be the bright one.
This reality just dooms me even more.
Every sweat and hardship I poured in is often repays with disappointment and anguish.
At this very moment, I hate everything that circles in my life.

And I thought by hitting the gym today, I'll feel better.
And yes I did, only during mt 1 1/2 half of hours in there.
The running and sweating make me forget about my frustrations for a moment.
Only for that very moment.
I wanted it to last. So I ran longer. I ran till my legs can take no more.
And then I return to this horrendous world of mine.
The aches my body feels is indescribable, but nothing hurts more than the wound in my heart.

All this negative emotions of mine made me miss my mom.
And to know that she is all alone at home without dad and brothers, facing and working all herself, having meals by herself, worries me even more.
Last late night, Dad and brothers dropped by my place and we had a late dinner together.
They were on their way to visit grandpa. The only place I wish I could be right now.
Mom, being a sweetheart as always, baked me my favorite bread pudding, hand it to Dad, and he gave it to me.
Love you mom.
Although dinner with dad and bros were only for a while, it made me feel content. I felt good.
Since everything in my life is going haywire right now, a dinner with someone I truly love is just what I needed.
and after 45 minutes, I was back to my nightmare.

I want to only wake up to the sound of his music.
love you Granpa.

May 25, 2008


Firstly, sorry for neglecting you my faithful readers. I've been busy and down; seriously.

Rough week. Everything is falling apart. Yes, I am back to me "emo" mood.
Despite that, I am still managing and handling it quite well.
compared to previous times, where my friends claimed that I lost my soul. swt`
Granpa is not doing well. And I am not ready for the news that I don't ever wish to hear.
Stay with me Granpa, I'll pray hard for you. I love you terribly.
And thanks to this sensational 'emo' feeling of mine, it made me miss my mom's cooking. and of course, the woman herself as well (:
This second half of my last semester seemed so packed at jumbled up compared to the first half.
I hated it. Urgh.
The only manner for me to relax and ease my mind of this depressing issues is by hitting the gym. That's the only time my mind stop functioning. I stop worrying, thinking what to do next, and just run run run and run.
And no, the gym did not get me any fitter and muscular. Thanks to my greedy habit consumption of food.

It feels like I'm carrying 20235874356230842342351048 tonnes of metal on my shoulders right now.
I need lots of support, motivation, love, advice...everything nice.
I need catalysts to make my upside down frowny lips to turn right up again.
I need my mom to talk to me and tell me everything I wish and don't wish to listen.
I want to hug my dad and tell him that everything is not right.
Mostly,I want to be there for my granpa so badly :(

I'll hit my bed and mourn on my own now. Toodles.

May 21, 2008

How Bout A Round of Applause

*nods* Yes. I am back in this miserable campus of mine.
Seriously, the only thing missing is a freagging campus.
Our campus does not feel like a campus. NOT AT ALL.
Or else, it would be perfect (:
The anticipation for the new campus is killing me. I want to taste, experience it so badly. Lol.

So during the holidays, besides celebrating Mother's Day with my mom,grandmother, and all the chatterbox aunties, these were the three novels I managed to fed myself with.

It's a paperback worth reading (:

Moral Studies presentation.
Research paper.
Oral Presentation.
and more..

A random shout out to dearest mommy&daddy: Love you (:

May 3, 2008

It's more than just a love song.

Instead of smoking, dope, marijuana, cocaine, ecstasy, computer games, and etc..
It's coke.
If you consider drinking at least two cans every single day isn't too much, I'm not a coke addict then. haha.



But, it's so irresistible.

It is obviously addictive, seductive, tempting, and again addictive.
Come on, these babies taste like heaven :)
This wouldn't be my first time addicted to this thingamagic though.
I had been in this situation once though. Few years back.
I drank like *coughsthereecoughs* cans a day? Those days, I was so indulged with Coke, I need it every single meal.
At that time, there were no Coca-cola Light yet mind you.
Strangely, I wasn't addicted to Vanilla Coke, but Coca-Cola.
Yeah baby. (:
Bring the Coke on.


Why coca-cola light? You see. I want to drink the old-fashioned coke, which is like tremendously sweet and which tastes way better than Coca-Cola light..
However, if I choose to drink that every single day to feed my addiction, I'll grow horizontally.
So yeah, I turn to this little darling of mine. My oh so satisfying must-have.
I'm not saying that Coca-cola light aren't at all fattening..IT IS. Although it stated there "zero sugar".
Psssh. AS IF.

I think I need therapy. A coke therapy.
A coke consultant, a coke psychiatrist, a coke dietitian, a coke nutritionist, a coke medical center..
*thinks hard and stares into space*

or I might even consider registering myself into a Coke Rehab Center.
I mean there should be one right... hmm?
I'll open one if there's none in this world.
Instead of helping the coke addicts, I'll force their throat down with Coke everyday. HAHA.

I have tonnes of Coke stacked up in my room. Want one? ;]
I'll spare you some and the rest are mine.

May 2, 2008

I've never told a lie and that makes me a liar.

Exams are just around the corner.And by just around the corner, it's really just around the corner.Like THE CORNER.
And yet I choose not to glued my eyes onto those piled of notes, but waste my time blogging. *sigh*

Subjects: Social Psychology, Economics, Moral Education, Media Appreciation and IELTS.

Social Psychology would be the *coughsworstcoughs* WHY? I don't hate the subject, in fact I think it's a wonderful subject, I don't hate HATE the lecturer..but...let's just say the classes aren't really working aite? :/
The rest are fine. I reckon.

Watched 27 Dresses. I love it (:

Despite that it's Katherine Heigl who starred the movie, a movie with typical romantic plot is just what I needed right now and she's so prettttyy.. haha.
I love the movie lah. :D

All Time Low is my new Fightstar. LOL.

All Time Low- Remembering Sunday
All Time Low- Jasey Rae