that new chapter

and this was how i am reminded of them
... so far.

i can never stop staring at their mesmerizing eyes... i really liked how they brightened up each time they smile, simply because everyone looks their best when they do so. even with those crooked teeth, they still look pretty & of course cute ;) and the dimple, you ask? steam la...nevertheless, a smile is the most beautiful accessories anyone can wear. mostly, i like it if i can make you smile. and by you, i meant everyone of you :)

my trip with them has brought me so much closer to them. i like how they can joke and kid about each other and laughed about it. i remember how serene and calvin tried to teach me play monopoly cards while siewmin and chinway went out to tapao satay babi for us. satay babi is really the best satay ever bytheway. i like how david would kindly asked me for my share of durian puffs because ihatedurians. then serene who would never let david eat more durian puffs will start fighting for the puffs. then david, rachel, and serene fought over my share of durian puffs because they simply think that durian puffs are the best food ever created. and i sat from across the sofa and watched them fight over... puffs. -.-'

its even funnier to look at stephanie's expression when i go crazy in front of her. then it always lead her to saying i feel like smacking this girl to me. but i know, she loves how i always act like siaopo. stephanie sleeps a lot too, and you can tell when she is really sleepy. haha. and then david has the cutest crooked teeth, and a mild dimple when he smiles. the whole house echoes whenever he laughs. things get even funnier when calvin starts telling us his lame jokes which he thinks is super funny but its not cause it only made all of us go whattheheck.. and if you think it ends there, no it doesn't. because people like david would high five-ed him and thinks calvin is the man. its hilarious, really. then we have our sweet-loving rachel who laughs at anything, and her adorable giggle always fills the place with even more joy. oh my god, how can we forget this about serene, the all-germ-free woman. haha. she is such a neat freak that i think only rachel could be her roommate til today.haha. but then again, where would we get our sanitizers without our dear serene? :)

i don’t think i could i ever forget siewmin's dimple. the tiniest movement, or the tiniest twitch on her face would just carved that dimple which made her look so sweet and lovable. it's impossible to not like her. siewmin took care of us so well that she was afraid that we weren't having fun at all. instead, we did :) thanks minmin! then we have chinway, who tweets a lot and talks a lot and disturbs me a lot, especially in cinemas =.-' sometimes, i really want to smack him. haha. chinway's small eyes are really small that he beat me, flat. haha. it's hilarious to even glance at his expression whenever calvin tells us his lame jokes, because chinway is definitely one guy who cannot handle lamenesss. of course, joan. the girl with an eating disorder, because she couldn't stop eating. if you think serene can eat a lot, think again. because no one beats joan and stephanie when it comes to eating. they ate non-stop!! i felt like puking watching them eating so constantly. haha. joan is one malaysian chick who wishes she was korean instead. she has a thing for koreans and she speaks koreans like we were koreans. lol. and then sometimes, david talks like he arises from some samseng clan, ghetto or kongsi gelap group, that from his way of speaking, you might think that he wants to pick a fight with you. that's why we have serene who blatantly scolds him and shuts him up till he crawl to his corner and merajuks there *applause to serene*

 

and then, we have jaysern who didn’t want to join us. blah lah you. jaysern argues with me a lot- likereallyalot and he always presumes that he won but he didn’t! bleks :P and oh our abang raymond, the best gentleman i have ever witnessed in my life. seriously, he is the combination of all gentlemen in this world. we girls always love how thoughtful and gentleman-ly he is. Haha. then we have terri & ian whom i haven’t spent much time with yet because they selalu m.i.a. But they are funny people too. Haha. terri calls me meiling i don’t know why but socuteright. therefore, we always have our imaginarymeiling conversation. haha And i think ian speaks with an accent, which doesn’t sound annoying at all. I kinda like it actually . certainly, i didn't forget sharon, sarah & zhi mei too, & i definitely want to know more about them :)

and these were what i saw and how i felt,
from the inside out.

Photos: credits to chinway

i want you to know that, i love you.

my holidays are coming to an end :(  i must say, i really enjoy my mid-semester break this time. it feels... refreshingly different. having different groups of people to hang out with, meeting new friends, letting go the old, going to same places with different people... sighs. holidays are good, because you only live, eat and grow fat :) well, this time around, my holidays are actually fully utilized as compared to my previous times. I have traveled so many times in a week that i am sick of it. Nevertheless, it was really worth it. I wouldn't miss the opportunity to bond and build new relationship or even strengthen the old ones, because I simply love each and every one of them.

Anyways, the fact that I love my cell group members a lot, I have chose to spend my Raya with them. We made a trip to Malacca and I must say, I treasure each and everyone of them so much. Thank you, e7 for giving me the chance to be apart of you and for accepting me :) You people brought so much joy and laughter to me, that my eyes grew smaller & smaller. God loved me so much that he placed me there, with you people :)

& then of course I love how much closer I've become to all my high school friends who I've been befriended for years. Every yum char session with them made me feel more connected to them & had me discover something new about them. I really like it when all of us always sit and talked bout the past, make fun of it and then realize all stupid things we once did. I liked it when we talked bout fights long time ago, our bitching sessions and even our crush on this boy or that girl. I really liked it :) It made me treasure every single one of you even more, it made me love you much deeper, it made me feels like I am really blessed that God had placed me at the right place. Every friendship, every bonding sessions I've made are all dear and special to me that I wouldn't want to replace any of you. & that is why I remember most of the things we shared, promises we've made, and little secrets we swore to hid for the rest of our lives. this is why i have always boldly tell you people that i love you, because i really do and i want all of you to know that :)

And to some, I have chose to ignore and slowly let go. Life is definitely too short for me to linger on, waiting for you to at least remember that I was your friend & pretend that I still want to honor you, and treat you like before. I am moving on & letting go because today, you have shown me that you have never taken me seriously or even bothered. You're not a terrible friend altogether, but maybe, we have different needs. What you think is right, sounded completely wrong to me, what you see is real, looked completely awful to me and what you believe was the truth, I believed otherwise. We are lucky that we were once so close, and we have put up with each other for such long years. As we drifted apart and allow time to fill in the gap in between, our friendship slowly falls apart too. You've changed & I certainly did too. I guess this time around, we have problems accepting the change we had within ourselves. Or maybe, we are just too tired to just fight for this relationship anymore, because every fight we made are just pointless. Well, I know I do feel that way.  You've took me for granted, you treated me as a joke, you lied to me, you replaced me. I wouldn't blame you. Because at least now I know that that's the end of the friendship, and hopefully a better, new beginning will commence. Hence, to you people, a toast for the great friendship we once had :)

iLearn

i am really awed and filled with my highest gratitude to God that every single morning, i am still alive. really, i am. if you must know, the fact that my asthma now has the slimmest chance of  getting cured entirely had taught me not to live my life, wasted. i have been constantly reminding myself to live my life the fullest and mostly, no regrets. i am tired of walking way with so many regrets that persistently haunts me. hence, few months ago, I have decided to take hold of my life. And with God, everything seems so easy :)

if you love someone, show it. hence, i do. and when i say i do, it doesn't mean that i display an entire scenery of public display affection for the world to see. what i meant was, if you love someone or if you care for someone, show and prove it to them. loving was never a crime, even if it involves a broken heart. loving is a gift and to be loved is of course, true happiness. show that person that you care for 'em and that you love 'em. everyone loves to be loved, so love 'em. stop wasting your emotions and feelings judging someone and criticizing them. even if that someone is a cold-hearted, bitter, ignorant person, love 'em. it is people like them that haven't realize how warm a genuine love can feels that they have built a wall, shielding themselves away from the world and developed that cold personality. the colder someone is, the warmer you should become. people needs to know that there are still people who care for them and love them. and the only way for them to find out is, through your actions and your words. prove it, show it, say it.

i am not asking you to force yourself to 'love' someone. do it a step at a time. forgive yourself and the people around you. stop judging em, but rather accept who they are and what they have to offer. a genuine true love, doesn't expects. they honestly give, they honestly love. and all this is because they  sincerely want to. 

at least i know it's because i want to.
:)

i am learning and trying to be the best of a person i can be everyday. i learn to listen instead of hearing, i learn to understand instead of seeing, i learn to accept instead of judging.

i really do not want my life to end without giving, loving, helping, learning & understanding our own species. who else would love if its not us human? i really care and love 'em all; from my family to mr.sangkar who works at the digital store :)

every morning I wake up feeling grateful and blessed with what I have, where I am, and the great people I met in my life.
 
pastor's words can never be any more true.

always learn to love without demanding and forgive without expecting.

this is only half of the crazy bunch