Finally.

A big thank you to my dearly beloved parents, caring classmates, mr.winston, kal, soonhan, sulin and others who were concern about my granpa and MY condition. I owe you people big time *hugs*

To actually realize that there are actually people who cared and concerned so much about me dumbstruck me.
I felt awkward, weird, yet I love and enjoy that feeling. Maybe because this is something I don't experience often.
being the usual overly emotional self, I did sob myself to sleep during those rough periods.
And I dare say, I sob myself to sleep a lot.
Sharing and expressing dilemmas/problems/feelings are not my best subject(s).
I think a lot before blurting out.
I am very afraid of what others think of me,but at the same time, I hate to impress the world by becoming something I'm not.
I was not raised to be independent, but I was raised to be emotionally independent.
Although I am blessed with parents I wouldn't wish to trade for, I am sometimes the child who wishes she has an elder brother/sister.
Yes, I am never satisfied with what I have. I am always demanding for more..and more.
I want to be able to talk to someone, share with someone, and discuss with someone.
If I would to have an elder sister, I want to stay in her room, hug pillows, talk about the cute guy I saw in tuition, gossip and bitch about schoolmates, borrow her clothes and shoes, and run to her room during random hours just to sit and enjoy each other company.
If I would to have an elder brother, I want him to be able to protect this fragile little sister of hers, be the elder brother every girl dies for and be able to make me feel safe and secure whenever I am with him.
If this world would to answer all of our "If ", I guess people will just be more demanding and greedy.

All my life, I tried to act tough, deep down, I am nothing but a piece of torn paper.
I like to be thought as the strong one, not the girl who seeks for tough macho guys for help even when it is not necessary.
If it's possible, I hide my emotions till I can hide no more.
Sometimes,I do not enjoy the company of people.
Sometimes, I want them to notice me so much I lied and pretend.
Sometimes, just because I want to fit in, I changed and it made me felt so "plastic".
I am the who cries when I watch sad movies/dramas even when others do not think is depressing nor saddening.
Sometimes, I agreed along because I tend to have a different thought of everything, the weird one, the wrong one.
I strongly believe in miracles, fairytale,afterlife, karma and a happy ending.
I love the people around me so much, that sometimes my actions/conducts seemed hurtful but all I wanted to do was protect them.
but then again, because I have the weirdest and bizarre mindset, most of my actions appeared weird and...wrong.
Most of the times, I have regrets for my demeanors and words.
I am still the child who pampers for her parents love every single day.
Everyday, I await for the day my parents would feel proud of me and my achievements.
Though, my achievements aren't exactly something to be proud of.
Most of the times, I wonder ans search for reasons of my existence as I have found none.
I questioned my abilities, intelligence and capabilities in everything I do.
I am sincere and do not divert my love easily.
I live more to the past and future, but at the same time, I believe that I should live more of the present.
I have many thoughts and attempts of suicidal, but because I have am strongly conscious and have my conscience, I am still here.
I do not cry of physical pain as often as to when I cry whenever I feel dead on the inside.
I have so much to tell, I don't even know where to begin.
I am afraid of realities, I run and hide away most of the time.
I prefer to avoid.
I prefer to stay in my dream and never wake up, because reality hasn't been treating me kind enough. Maybe it's not my time yet.

All I am waiting for right now is for to sigh "Finally" signifying a form of relief.