R.I.U.T

But if I let you go

your actions never justify your feelings. your actions only confuse me. 

when i wanted to let go of you, you came to me, broken.
when i wanted to let go of you, you came to me, caring for me.
when i wanted to let go of you, you came to me, and showed me love.
when i wanted to let go of you, you came to me, whenever I wanted you there.
when i wanted to let go of you, you came to me, and made me feel special.
when i wanted to let go of you, you came to me, redeeming yourself. 
when i wanted to let go of you, you came for me, had me thinking that I shouldn't have.
but
when i decided to hold on to you, you disappointed me
and you hurt me.
but sadly, you never knew,
you never realize any of it.

the randomt things i like

i like to be busy but i like to be lazy too i like it when adrian picked me up from the bus station at 2am and offered to carry my bag pack for me when i didn't need him to i like talking to wei loon i like it that john and navin drove down to subang just to gave me a beautiful 21st i like netball trainings and catching the balls i like it more when we won 2nd place i like it when my classmates all came to support the communication school team i like leonard's poem about me  i like how zhen yang called me to make sure i don't fall asleep when i drove back to taiping i like it that vasenta sabesha and lehbin always laugh and joke around about everything i like how the 4 of us always stay up late and  make sure we don't fall asleep doing assignments i like how mayling, maykhei & keifoong tricked me into a birthday surprise i like all my birthday surprises this year i like how david always tells me i dont want to talk to you dy and always end up talking to me again i like that amon finds it comfortable telling me about his background i like that dionne and evonne helped me with peeling of the oranges and carrying that packet of ice i like how neha esme dinusha sweat their buttocks out to help out with the fund raising i like how god is always so timely in providing me i like my cell members a lot i like to sing and play the piano i like that thing zhen yang gave me so that i can play the keyboard i like my mom's rendang chicken i like my dimples i like my new campus i like alex's positive transformation i like winning i like murmuring i like playing with babies i like it if i have a new laptop and a new phone i like my church i sometimes like my dreams i like running around i like baking i like sleeping. 

but i don't like it that you are no more in my life. i don't like it that the best choice is the worst choice that i had to make. 6 years ago, you were there. this year you became my stranger. i don't like it that i have to lie how i don't miss you, because i do.

 

my name my name!! :D

 

some of the people whom I dearly treasure :) 

the half of the people i dearly treasure

& i am missing michelle chun & edmund here.

 the perak kakis whom i love deeply.

 the netball teams :)

In the last month, these *points above* happened.

While October gets scarier & scarier.

that new chapter

and this was how i am reminded of them
... so far.

i can never stop staring at their mesmerizing eyes... i really liked how they brightened up each time they smile, simply because everyone looks their best when they do so. even with those crooked teeth, they still look pretty & of course cute ;) and the dimple, you ask? steam la...nevertheless, a smile is the most beautiful accessories anyone can wear. mostly, i like it if i can make you smile. and by you, i meant everyone of you :)

my trip with them has brought me so much closer to them. i like how they can joke and kid about each other and laughed about it. i remember how serene and calvin tried to teach me play monopoly cards while siewmin and chinway went out to tapao satay babi for us. satay babi is really the best satay ever bytheway. i like how david would kindly asked me for my share of durian puffs because ihatedurians. then serene who would never let david eat more durian puffs will start fighting for the puffs. then david, rachel, and serene fought over my share of durian puffs because they simply think that durian puffs are the best food ever created. and i sat from across the sofa and watched them fight over... puffs. -.-'

its even funnier to look at stephanie's expression when i go crazy in front of her. then it always lead her to saying i feel like smacking this girl to me. but i know, she loves how i always act like siaopo. stephanie sleeps a lot too, and you can tell when she is really sleepy. haha. and then david has the cutest crooked teeth, and a mild dimple when he smiles. the whole house echoes whenever he laughs. things get even funnier when calvin starts telling us his lame jokes which he thinks is super funny but its not cause it only made all of us go whattheheck.. and if you think it ends there, no it doesn't. because people like david would high five-ed him and thinks calvin is the man. its hilarious, really. then we have our sweet-loving rachel who laughs at anything, and her adorable giggle always fills the place with even more joy. oh my god, how can we forget this about serene, the all-germ-free woman. haha. she is such a neat freak that i think only rachel could be her roommate til today.haha. but then again, where would we get our sanitizers without our dear serene? :)

i don’t think i could i ever forget siewmin's dimple. the tiniest movement, or the tiniest twitch on her face would just carved that dimple which made her look so sweet and lovable. it's impossible to not like her. siewmin took care of us so well that she was afraid that we weren't having fun at all. instead, we did :) thanks minmin! then we have chinway, who tweets a lot and talks a lot and disturbs me a lot, especially in cinemas =.-' sometimes, i really want to smack him. haha. chinway's small eyes are really small that he beat me, flat. haha. it's hilarious to even glance at his expression whenever calvin tells us his lame jokes, because chinway is definitely one guy who cannot handle lamenesss. of course, joan. the girl with an eating disorder, because she couldn't stop eating. if you think serene can eat a lot, think again. because no one beats joan and stephanie when it comes to eating. they ate non-stop!! i felt like puking watching them eating so constantly. haha. joan is one malaysian chick who wishes she was korean instead. she has a thing for koreans and she speaks koreans like we were koreans. lol. and then sometimes, david talks like he arises from some samseng clan, ghetto or kongsi gelap group, that from his way of speaking, you might think that he wants to pick a fight with you. that's why we have serene who blatantly scolds him and shuts him up till he crawl to his corner and merajuks there *applause to serene*

 

and then, we have jaysern who didn’t want to join us. blah lah you. jaysern argues with me a lot- likereallyalot and he always presumes that he won but he didn’t! bleks :P and oh our abang raymond, the best gentleman i have ever witnessed in my life. seriously, he is the combination of all gentlemen in this world. we girls always love how thoughtful and gentleman-ly he is. Haha. then we have terri & ian whom i haven’t spent much time with yet because they selalu m.i.a. But they are funny people too. Haha. terri calls me meiling i don’t know why but socuteright. therefore, we always have our imaginarymeiling conversation. haha And i think ian speaks with an accent, which doesn’t sound annoying at all. I kinda like it actually . certainly, i didn't forget sharon, sarah & zhi mei too, & i definitely want to know more about them :)

and these were what i saw and how i felt,
from the inside out.

Photos: credits to chinway